Trial by Fire
I can't really believe that I've been here for almost a month now. Shocking really. Even more shocking that I was in Morris just 2 months ago. Morris couldn't feel further away in many respects, so it'll be interesting to see how I feel about it 3-4 months from now. Even more intriguing should be to examine how I'm feeling when I'm about to go back there in roughly 6-7 months.
Anyhow, the biggest news right now is that I'm going to Wales this weekend. It should be fun, and for those that bemoan my lack of posting, it will probably provide ample substance for another journal entry. London is great of course, but I really hope to get around while I'm over here and have the opportunity.
In a slight shift, one of the strangest things about being thrown into something unfamiliar is readjusting (or perhaps reverting) to that freshman state of mind. There isn't the sense of establishment or contentment with the people and places you're surrounded by. Excitement and anxiety alternate in their predominance, and autonomy is often compromised in order to stay commensurate with the ebb and flow of the tide.
The tough part is, early on you're kind of circumscribed to the whims of the tide. In fact, nobody even wants to be swept onto the shore until they're certain they have what it takes to survive. So you'll do things, seemingly little, in order to stay the course. Whether it's stepping outside your normal social pattern in order to ingratiate yourself to others, or if it's believing against belief that somebody isn't showing you all that's there. Along with these concessions come ramifications, which will sting moreso than those incurred under your own discretion. Still, that's not really the point. I've never enjoyed stepping outside my own comfort zone. There've always been reasons to avoid striking up conversation with someone..whether it be..fear, pride, antipathy..y'know, the classics (and to those who caught that..yes..definite scrubs homage). That said, it's your prerogative to seize the opportunties, or to be less cliche, to step into the tide while maintaining that inimitable identity that has secured such comfort elsewhere. It may actually yield some unpleasant results, particularly in the early stages. Nonetheless, it's better than waking up 6 months later to find the mistakes of another person etched into your soul.
(woo..kind of heavy, I know. Perhaps a bit melodramatic too. I should probably stick to getting drunk at pubs. Easy, relaxed, and nobody remembers this the next morning)